There are a lot of things in the past that I can remember. Things where important or not. I can remember with vivid detail most of them. I can describe the color of the shirt that I’m wearing, the actions that happened during those instances, etc. But there’s one thing that I can’t remember. It’s my late father’s voice.
I can remember the many times that we spent together. The time he taught me how to bike, the time he came home that night when he gave my snare drum and the time when he was digging a big hole for our garbage. I can remember how he looks like when clean-shaven or not. Sadly, it’s his voice that I can’t remember.
It will be 15 years this December since he passed away. It happened 8 days after my 10th birthday. Left me with no siblings. Leaving me with no lesson or message about anything. I’ve been wishing and praying that I can see him in my dreams and tell me anything that he wanted to tell me. Tell me how I am doing as a man, as a son, as a husband and as a father. I want to hear this from him so badly because he knows how hard it was for me to live without having siblings. How hard it was to do things on my own even when I’m doing things well. That even when people think that you’re so bright, they don’t know that you also want someone you can ask for solutions and answers. That there are also questions that would leave you dumbfounded. And you push yourself to your limits just to figure out how the world goes around. But that’s not really the problem, because I just want someone like him or even a sibling that I can talk about anything, lend my hand with and teach him/her about anything. And above all these things, he knows how very hard and crazy it is to be away from your family.
Most importantly, I want to hear him talk because he is my father and he will always be even though he’s gone. I have become strong because of his death and because of having no sibling. I learned how to keep moving forward on my own withstanding any problem that comes my way. But sometimes, I wish that I can be weak for a few minutes and have a father or a sibling know that I’m not really fine even when I say that I am and do something to lift up my spirit.