When I Speak Up

Circa 2001, I was the Battalion Commander of our batch back in high school. During the start of the school year, some of my officers are having misunderstandings over handling the students in the lower years. This misunderstandings brought conflicts not only among the officers involved but also to the rest of the officers.

Because of this, we decided to have an open forum. Everyone spoke about their feelings, their opinions, complains to anyone in the team. They offered suggestions and rooms for improvements. Most of the female officers are crying already. I waited for everyone to finish before I spoke up. When I uttered my first sentence, tears rushed down from my eyes. I told them about how it feels to be an only child in the family and then I told them how I treat each one of them as my sibling. I also wished that they also treat their fellow officers likewise because being an officer isn’t just fulfilling the duty because before we were brought together as a team before those duties are given to us. And above all, no one should let each other done but instead let each one be there to lend a hand to his or her fellow officer.

My head was bowed down with hands covering my face while I was saying those words. I can’t look into their eyes until I was done because I was crying the whole time. When I looked up, I saw everyone crying even the men.

A similar thing also happened during our retreat in 4th year college. We had our open forum, then after everyone spoke up, I had my turn. Then after I’m done with my speech, everyone was already crying. Lloyd Llesis (may he rest in peace) even cried because he remembered his brother because of what I said.

I never intended to make them cry and I don’t want to see people cry in the first place. I was only speaking about things that I think and feel everyone should recall or realize. Maybe they cry because the words hit them so hard even if they already know about. It’s not easy to say something that can really touch a person’s heart, much more people in gatherings like an open forum.

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Remembering the Poem

This is the poem I dedicated to my GF then, now my wife, back in May 2005.

Going Home

Here we are in our way to your dorm
I couldn’t help but to hold your delicate form
I just want to cherish your overwhelming presence
‘Coz in a while my heart will
Be saddened again by your absence.

We’re here at your dorm now at last
A deep sigh within me that don’t last
Which fills my heart that is so hard to mend
I say my “5 minutes!” to have a seat and to have a chat which i hope will never end.

“5 minutes” then became twenty then thirty
Time really flies by when i’m with you baby
You’ll say, “uy, lampas ka na ng five minutes, uwi ka na.”
“Hinahanap ka na sa inyo. marami ka pang gagawin di ba?”

You stand up while i remain seated
You pull me up and i stand up yet hesitated
“Cge na, uwi ka na baka tumawag na naman papa mo.”
So i’ll get up and fix my bag, how i want to stay though.

“Bye, ingat,” you say with your lovely smile
My heart is so happy and it doesn’t want to say goodbye
Well, i move closer to give you a hug and a kiss
You gently push me back and say “uhmmmmmmm, hindi ka pa aalis?”

I smile though my heart gives a silent sigh
“Ok fine, sa kamay na lang, tsup. tulog ka ng maaga ha. buh-bye.”
“Tan-awon lang. daghan pa man gud ko ug buhaton. tan-aw sad ko ug tv”
“Cge lang… ako man sad basta ayaw lang kaayo pa-gabii.”

I turn my back and move on my way
While walking i reach for a sampaguita flower
A flower which has so much to say
Of the things about you baby, my lover.

As i touch the petals of this national symbol
I imagine your hands holding mine, making my heart rumble
As i smell its sweet fragrance i couldn’t imagine more
The sweet scent i smell from you that makes me love you even more.

Its white color truly describes who you are
From head to toe, definitely you’re a white lady from afar.
But what makes you white is not just your skin
Your goodness and kindness makes you ivory deep within.

As i travel on my way home holding this sampaguita
I kept on thanking God and saying, “buti na lang nakilala kita.”
‘Coz i don’t have to spend my life picking flowers to hold
And to have something special more precious than gold.

Daddy

Here’s a list of things I got from my father:

1. How to drive a bicycle

2. Bought me my only snare drum

3. The first one to be on stage with me to present my 1st honors medal and other awards

4. Taught me how to instill fear with just one glare

5. How to work so hard

Happy Father’s Day Dad! I hope you’re having a nice time there in heaven.

Leaving a “Company” of Friends

I’ve worked in two multi-national companies in the past 4 years. When I left the first company, it didn’t feel so hard to say goodbye. With the second company, it was terrible to say the least.

When you’ve been with people for more than 3 years and you get used to seeing them everyday, it’s really, really hard to take those things away from your system. I’ve never felt so lonely because I am closed to a couple of friends there and just seeing them each day for the past 3 years made me feel they’re like my siblings. I know I’ll miss them. I won’t be able to help them the way I did before but I’ll always be here for them.

Sometimes I wish I’m the type who can’t get along easily with other people. Sometimes I wish I don’t have that urge to help, the urge to know different things so I can help other people. Sometimes I wish I am hot-tempered. Why wish all these things? So that I won’t have friends. I won’t have friends that easily. But God doesn’t want me to have those qualities. Being an only child, having friends will compensate for the lack of siblings. I have friends in order for me to feel that I am needed, that I am not alone and that I have no reason to feel empty because I have so much.

I only wish the best for my friends. I can never thank them enough for having me as one of their friends because it wasn’t just plain friendship for me. They mean a lot to me as much as one cares and loves their brothers or sisters.

H-Fever

I am posting this experience in relevance to my daughter who is having dengue fever right now =(. I hope she’ll recover soon.

I had an H-fever back when I was in grade 1. It was awful. I was weak and couldn’t move my arms and legs normally. Every part of my body is in pain. I was absent for a few days (3 days I believe). Good thing my mom is there to take care of me. That’s why I know my daughter will recover well because she’s being taken care of by her mother =).